After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?