Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza