I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"