its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo