Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened