I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?