I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
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I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
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Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.