I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her