turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
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Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
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can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.