I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
