he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
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now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
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I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break