why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential