The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
