you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
