I hate all girls vehemently.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
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