She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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