this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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