theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
ok first of all what the fuck
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
