So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
