She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
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I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"