She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing