Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (310)

Last Night in California (310)

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im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon

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(310): im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon http://tfl.nu/qfy4

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Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor

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(310): Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor http://tfl.nu/gni2

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may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...

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(310): may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy... http://tfl.nu/t47h

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Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?

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You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?

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So...no?`

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(323): Would you feel weird if I asked out ___? (310): You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend? (323): So...no?` http://tfl.nu/oqmx

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Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing

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(310): Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing http://tfl.nu/gwvn

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I'm so sick

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I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.

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That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..

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(310): I'm so sick (323): I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night. (310): That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy.. http://tfl.nu/0aa2

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I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.

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(310): I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life. http://tfl.nu/lr0e

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she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.

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ewwww. she might as well have a dick.

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(310): she cant drink. allergic to alcohol. (1-310): ewwww. she might as well have a dick. http://tfl.nu/aucq

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My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...

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(310): My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one... http://tfl.nu/9s73

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and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.

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(310): and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night. http://tfl.nu/rugs

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Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests

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(310): Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests http://tfl.nu/hq9w

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i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now

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(310): i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now http://tfl.nu/q54p

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I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.

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(310): I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations. http://tfl.nu/td7t

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I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..

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(310): I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane.. http://tfl.nu/no57

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Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub

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(310): Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub http://tfl.nu/ka0h

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Last Night in California (310)

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