Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You drinking a lot?
Define a lot
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury