I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.