How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.