This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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