I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do