Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
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It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
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its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Sober January is a disaster.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee