my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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