I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
