I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.