You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that