Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair