i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.