If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv