My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"