This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
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The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok