apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.