I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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