I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
