Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.