thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor