I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My feet surprised me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?