Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.