I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)