I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat