Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.