Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
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It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
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Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.