I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...