Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (817)

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  (817): View more from Texas

  Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.

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  (817): Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks. http://tfl.nu/jci6
  Replies (3) Good night (117) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt
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  She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!

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  (817): She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!! http://tfl.nu/esz2
  Replies (4) Good night (1213) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
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  Post-sex nachos deserve a song.

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  (817): Post-sex nachos deserve a song. http://tfl.nu/enl8
  Replies (8) Good night (1155) Bad night (296) Order T-Shirt
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  My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person

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  (817): My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person http://tfl.nu/r4rm
  Replies (3) Good night (1151) Bad night (295) Order T-Shirt
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  I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.

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  (817): I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional. http://tfl.nu/nh0n
  Replies (1) Good night (941) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
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  I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.

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  Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.

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  (817): I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night. (512): Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there. http://tfl.nu/r01e
  Replies (4) Good night (1828) Bad night (273)
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  I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'

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  (817): I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?' http://tfl.nu/9wvu
  Replies (6) Good night (1120) Bad night (272)
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  Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.

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  (817): Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount. http://tfl.nu/oq9w
  Replies (10) Good night (1911) Bad night (272) Order T-Shirt
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  And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"

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  (817): And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?" http://tfl.nu/ufhu
  Replies (5) Good night (1021) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
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  This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck

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  (817): This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck http://tfl.nu/mv3p
  Replies (3) Good night (473) Bad night (265) Order T-Shirt
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  I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.

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  (817): I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good. http://tfl.nu/zf93
  Replies (2) Good night (891) Bad night (252)
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  I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care

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  (817): I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care http://tfl.nu/4w1d
  Replies (4) Good night (1762) Bad night (252) Order T-Shirt
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  You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.

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  (817): You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres. http://tfl.nu/or4y
  Replies (3) Good night (1593) Bad night (230)
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  Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex

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  (817): Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex http://tfl.nu/6b6a
  Replies (3) Good night (878) Bad night (228) Order T-Shirt
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  You should come by for the fire station blow job tour

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  (817): You should come by for the fire station blow job tour http://tfl.nu/ymfu
  Replies (3) Good night (662) Bad night (219) Order T-Shirt