2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.