Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn