I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.