Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
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I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE