I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet