We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that