Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ontario (519)

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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.

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  (519): I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands. http://tfl.nu/u4sr
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  My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.

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  (519): My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again. http://tfl.nu/uf58
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  she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...

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  (519): she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up... http://tfl.nu/djzy
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  Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg

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  (519): Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg http://tfl.nu/646r
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  I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.

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  (519): I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person. http://tfl.nu/mw9z
  Replies (4) Good night (650) Bad night (140)
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  dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.

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  (519): dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto. http://tfl.nu/omlc
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  No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.

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  (519): No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area. http://tfl.nu/eioj
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  i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.

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  (519): i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying. http://tfl.nu/5e1o
  Replies (5) Good night (631) Bad night (1113)
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  No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.

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  (519): No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike. http://tfl.nu/0ndc
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  You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.

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  (519): You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew. http://tfl.nu/ni79
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  I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy

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  (519): I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy http://tfl.nu/0rhn
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  sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?

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  (519): sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you? http://tfl.nu/5tj4
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  this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.

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  (519): this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn. http://tfl.nu/4r7g
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  Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.

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  (519): Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out. http://tfl.nu/jzw3
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  Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.

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  (519): Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth. http://tfl.nu/ne7c
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