We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly