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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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