Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
