So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.