Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (631)

Last Night in New York (631)

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Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.

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(631): Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans. http://tfl.nu/f9ad

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You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...

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(631): You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came... http://tfl.nu/52j1

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woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.

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(631): woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again. http://tfl.nu/84mk

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saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.

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(631): saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious. http://tfl.nu/pwp7

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fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it

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(631): fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it http://tfl.nu/tjsq

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Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?

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(631): Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out? http://tfl.nu/nikk

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there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby

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(631): there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby http://tfl.nu/vnsn

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conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.

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(631): conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers. http://tfl.nu/22w1

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Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?

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(631): Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's? http://tfl.nu/f1lf

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i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon

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been there done that

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(631): i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon (1-631): been there done that http://tfl.nu/mjyl

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I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore

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(631): I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore http://tfl.nu/upfn

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Can you return condoms to CVS?

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Only if you return your pride as well.

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(631): Can you return condoms to CVS? (516): Only if you return your pride as well. http://tfl.nu/vx1b

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Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night

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U should. Its a good ice breaker

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(740): Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night (631): U should. Its a good ice breaker http://tfl.nu/6sdf

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k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.

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(631): k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not. http://tfl.nu/ari1

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i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick

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(631): i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick http://tfl.nu/rq3v

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Last Night in New York (631)

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