He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.