There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
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Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
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I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me