Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.