Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
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Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
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Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.