- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.