If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.