Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight