just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away