shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
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this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
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"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one