The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dating After Heartbreak
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sponge bath it is.