Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Pennsylvania (814)

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"

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  (814): he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career" http://tfl.nu/95bq
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"

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  (814): I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?" http://tfl.nu/fmqf
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  NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??

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  He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should probably go find him.

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  (805): NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be?? (805): He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is. (814): You should probably go find him. http://tfl.nu/673m
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.

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  (814): First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half. http://tfl.nu/df8e
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  Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure

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  (814): Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure http://tfl.nu/wzgm
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  I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.

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  (814): I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party. http://tfl.nu/nrd6
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  If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.

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  (814): If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already. http://tfl.nu/owi8
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  i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.

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  (814): i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe. (1-814): compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible. http://tfl.nu/koli
  Replies (16) Good night (678) Bad night (3679)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh yea! I was just doing that too!

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  (814): I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina. (610): Oh yea! I was just doing that too! http://tfl.nu/grjr
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  Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.

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  You might as well just give her the money now.

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  (814): Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it. (610): You might as well just give her the money now. http://tfl.nu/i76w
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  listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.

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  (814): listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week. http://tfl.nu/ufqh
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  I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body

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  (814): I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body http://tfl.nu/xxkq
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  I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around

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  (814): I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around http://tfl.nu/xsf6
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  so im guessing thats a no.....

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  (216): dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits." (814): so im guessing thats a no..... http://tfl.nu/rer4
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.

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  (814): In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words. http://tfl.nu/vqcb
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