What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
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Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.