It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance